daisyblahg

happy new year everyone!

i am happy to report that not only did i enter the new year sober but also as a safe and conscientious driver. i would like to thank the loml, my family, friends, and buddha.

so far i am anticipating a new haircut, yoga classes, and cheeky shenanigans in the work place.

let's go 2008!

Today the loml and I just had to get out of the house. So we headed to where all bored middle class sub-urban types go. We went to the local Barnes and Noble. The loml indulged in some Starbucks while I wandered around the store looking at books.

The most interesting (and when I say this I mean weird) titles are usually in the 'Self-Improvement' section, though occasionally 'Craft/Hobbies' and the 'Management' section gives them a run for their money. So as I was browsing the shelves, I would see things like "Your life is waiting for you" or "How to become the One". Which reminded me of that new movie "The Bucket List" with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Other than indicating that the baby boomer crowd likes movies, it makes one think that we all just sit around suffering through this life.

So I made a list too. My list is called "Things to do before I get too old and feeble to have a life worth living (and may as well be dead)". I liked this list because it was a lot easier to fill up than my previous list, "Goals".

So here is my list (slightly edited for publication):

• Take a last minute vacation
  
• Make a fantastic dress for myself
  
• Have a great vegetarian foodie adventure
  
• take a multi-day spiritual retreat
  
• make my own alco-beverage
  
• see a UFC fight live!
  

amazing. all these things are possible and rather selfish. but its just my first draft. We'll see how it goes.

------ small update -------
the extremely good-looking sysadmin of the server that my page resides on has informed me that I was violating site policy by posting ads. So I had to discontinue my experimental use of google ads. ah-well. May have to go digging through the couch for my change now.

Here is a really great story that my Russian friend told me once.

There was a guy who was out hiking in the woods and became lost. After a while, he became frightened and when he found a clearing, he decided to call out for help. After an hour or so of shouting for help, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he was astonished to find himself facing a bear. Even more astonishing, the bear spoke and said, "What is all this yelling about?"

and the man said, "I got lost in the woods and panicked. So when I found this clearing, I started shouting for help."

and the bear said, "Well, how do you feel now?"

i was reading a time magazine while in the tub yesterday and they had a pretty neat article on the death penalty. personally, i believe that some people should be dead, so i've been a long time supporter. up until yesterday when i changed my mind. which is amazing to me given that this is such a 'classic' argument. basically, the article simply pointed out that the current implementation of the death penalty in our system is incredibly inefficient an ineffective. not only are we not killing people but we're screwing around too.

i thought nothing would change my mind on this, but it just goes to show..

people are strange

I have been pretty bad about updating so here is something I sent to TIME magazine and their gracious response:

Hello,

I just finished reading the January 21st edition of Time, which concluded
with an article by Joel Stein ("Extreme Eating"). It wasn't very funny or
interesting and made me wish I owned a bird so I could line the cage with
this particular article. I could only find two actual facts in a mass of
poorly written opinion. There is much more entertaining copy in the
blogsphere, or I'd be happy to contribute my own 750 words of wit for a
modest sum.

Let me know what you think!

Insert-my name-here

---------------- Response from TIME Magazine ----------------

Dear TIME Reader,

Thank you for letting us hear from you. The editors appreciate the
interest that prompted you to write, and they have made attentive
note of your comments. We hope that you will continue to share your
thoughts with us.

Best wishes,

TIME Letters

I'm not really sure what happened to my 2008 (already? yes, i know).

i remember heading into the new year with the steely resolution to drink a lot less. and that has been panning out pretty well. today i actually chose the italian soda over wine, and I meant it.

due to my gym contract screw up, i've been working out more and sticking to my no sweets, no snacks diet.

and the cherry on my cake of wacky? i don't enjoy a lot of tv these days, and the reduction of advertising/brain-washing has only boosted my resolution to stop buying crap that i don't need. So, where does this leave me?

freakin' depressed, that's where.

i don't watch tv, i don't pig out, i don't compulsively shop. i've eliminated all sources of material self-validation and now i don't even want to drown in a river of alcoholic denial.

Life SUCKS! that's what this new-found clarity of being has led to me to discover.

and unsurprisingly enough, may also be recognized as the first of the four noble truths.

If you read my last blog entry, you may recall the theme being "life sucks". If you didn't read it, don't bother. I've already summarized for you (dear infrequent reader). So I don't want anyone to get the idea that I'm desperately unhappy all the time. There is something I've been trying for the past few days that has been really great and I want to share.

One night when I was particularly upset about life sucking, I grabbed my journal and made a quick entry. It was called "My perfect day". this is what I wrote down:

1. Sleep in (shocking, i know)
2. Do Yoga
3. Eat fruit for breakfast
4. Go outside - walk, read, sketch
5. make jewelry
6. prepare dinner
7. hang out

so nothing too radical, not like my previous list titled "Things to do before i get too old and feeble to have a life worth living (and may as well be dead!)". I think its important to title your lists accurately.

anyway, the last couple of days I've thought.. "Why don't I try some of the stuff on my perfect day list"? especially since those items are easier than the previous list.

and its been really cool.

i didn't want to blog today but the loml suggested I do so... I suspect to distract me from my depressive funk involving my bitching and moaning about how I hate my job. He's a good man and I'd like to take a moment to state that not only is he amazing, but he's also the funniest man I know.

now then, onto the blog entry i was planning to cheat in so that my website could have a more recent timestamp for updates than the other websites that are hosted on the same server.

one of my cats (and you don't really want to know how many) smells bad. Specifically the rear part of the cat and i've always suspected this was due to insufficient grooming on her part. Since my cat isn't smart enough to understand the repeated lament "ughh, your ass smells", I had to seek out a solution. So I went to the pet store and perused the "stuff you can put on your animal" section. Evidently there is a huge sucker market out there that likes to purchase spa quality shampoos for their pets, but I'm going to leave it at that.

What I did purchase was a bottle of PetWipes, which look suspiciously like BabyWipes. I was a little doubtful but since my cat's ass reeks I gave them a whirl. I'm desperate, parts of the house are starting to smell, and if it means that I have to wipe my cat's butt to prevent an outbreak, so be it.

so at this point, if you haven't at least imagined what it may look like to see me holding the cat while I wipe its ass, i don't know what to tell you. on the up side, it does seem to work. and i got some great material for this blog post.

hehehe. well I just watched Pulp Fiction again, and its the best thing that I can say about late night cable. I can watch the whole thing in all its profane glory. Just like I did in high school, when I had to schlep my self to the movie theatre without a car.

So here is your warning... If you couldn't watch the movie, stop reading now. If you have a bad feeling about this, definitely stop reading now.

Quentin Tarantino rocks his scripts. Here is my favourite quote from the movie.. (and if your lucky, I'll even post my old favourite quote):

no wait.. before I post any incredibly profane quote, I'll "fun" it up a little with some of those ridiculous censorship symbols which fool no one. Ok.. I'm ready now. here is my favourite quote:

---------- from that scene after marvin's head gets blown away -------------

Oh, you ready to blow? Well I'm a mushroom-cloud-laying moth*rfuck*r, m*therfu*ker! Every time my fingers touch brain I'm Superfly TNT, I'm the Guns of the Navarone. In fact, what the fuc* am I doing in the back? You're the *otherfucke* who should be on brain detail! We're fuck*ng switching, I'm washing the windows and you're picking up this n**ger's skull.

--------- man, wasn't that great? -------------

ok party people!

in the spirit of communication I've re-added comments to the blog! of course, they are moderated. If moderated means that I have total discretion over the commentary that gets posted and will be totally favouring my friends, family, loml, and all input that displays incredible wit or stupidity.

sounds great, eh?

I'll also be changing the color of the website. wheeee.

of course, none of this would be possible without the support of the incredible and sexy admin who supports my site. thank you!

I spent some time reflecting on my life this weekend, and I came to a conclusion.

'Superbad' has ruined me. I know that after watching 'I am Legend', I thought 'Superbad' was better. This weekend, I just watched 'Juno', which was a pretty good movie... but at the end, I was thinking again, "That wasn't as good as Superbad".

oh the humanity. so if you haven't seen Superbad go see it. Ruin your life like I did.

on an entirely unrelated note, I am going to start selling vegetarian compost online. I have this great wormbox, which I discussed in previous posts and I get this fantastic compost from it. Maybe someone will buy my worm poop; its great for plants. I'll let you know how it goes.

well, a lot of things happened today, but somehow I only know about the things that happened to me. and when i sift through them, i can only recall a couple of things:

1) companies spend billions and billions of dollars convincing us that we are inadequate humans until we purchase their product. So I'm no longer surprised that I start feeling bad after exposing myself to the television. (the tv probably feels worse, i know). seriously, why would I pay anyone $70 for yoga pants? these are the same athletic pants I can buy for $29.99 at Target but someone stamped sanskrit on them.

2) I think I'm like one of those fish that keep dying in our fish tank! I showed up at work today. I was dressed but I still looked like ass. My hair was limp, my eyes are dull and tired looking. My voice wasn't so awesome either. and as I was slouching to the breakroom I realized that I had seen this before. This is what our fish do before they start "floating". oh crap. i don't know anything about what fish think they're doing, but I know when a fish is going to die.

upon reflection, I am still eating so there is hope for me yet.

i was having a rather snide moment last week. the loml asked me if i wanted to go to a superbowl party. to which i bitchily replied "no thanks. i don't like hanging out with drunk people." *snap*

one amusing thing to note is that the previous statement is somewhat of a lie. as the loml points out, i do happen to be heading into new orleans for mardi gras and there isn't much wiggle room at that point. "no really, i looove the parades."

so as i was contemplating the small hypocrisies of my life i found myself thinking about the other things i'd done at previous mardi gras in new orleans.

i've climbed on stranger's shoulders to catch more beads.
i've peed in the middle of decorative landscaping.
i've turned down offers of free hash because i was in the middle of a road trip and didn't want to get penalized by violating the federal interstate commerce law (yes - i was a paranoid young thing).
i know there's more... once a friend and i even spotted a guy who had just climbed out of the mississippi (there was a drunken accident. no one rational goes in the river at that stage) but thats more about other people.

but the one thing i've never done, is exposed myself for beads. that's for idiots ;)

(please note* that previous statement is meant to be humorous by poking fun at myself. contrary to first bloggy impressions, i am not an idiot and you shouldn't take any of this too seriously)

this morning I went to the gym with my parents. my mom loaned me some exercise gear and cheerfully took me to a cardio "kickboxing" class. First of all, i would like to say that the instructor was fantastic. A great combination of 'kick boxing', yoga, pilates, and ab work. Secondly, though it pains me to admit it, my mother is apparently in better shape than I am.

For the first 20 minutes, I was pretty gung-ho. I don't like it when people take a class and then slack through the motions. What's the point really? Why didn't you just stay at home if you aren't going to try?

For the next twenty minutes, I was reconsidering my enthusiastic energy expenditure. The two college-ish chicks in front of me seemed ok and I was starting to think I should have followed their half-ass examples. but I kept on chugging. Denise Austin did not raise me to be an unhappy camper.

and i will say one thing, what is up with the expanding cabbage patch crossover walking with additional punch kick combos?? It took me forever to make those moves in mortal kombat! I'm not going to get it in the next 30 seconds watching the instructor!

Finally after 45 minutes, we hit the cool-down/ab exercises! awesome! I had outlasted one of the college kid (Quitter!!!) and granted everyone else in the classes (slackers and all) absolution. While in blissful but mediocre execution of ab work, I noticed my mother totally skipping out on an entire segment! HA! HA! I was ok! youth will out! wheee! that is until I talked to her after the class. Turns out she has some physical issues that prevent her from executing that specific exercise. And her heart rate was waaay lower than mine at the 40 minute mark to boot.

well.. so much for youth, eh?