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August 2008 Archives

August 1, 2008

is this a parable?

I have accepted the fact that I am the worst sort of cat owner: the one who panders to the cats and treats them almost like children (without actually admitting to themselves that they are treating them exactly like little fuzzy people).

So you can understand that I've bought all kinds of weird things for the cats. The latest thing I bought was an auto-feeder. Its pretty neat actually. You program it to dispense a certain amount of kibble for up to three scheduled feedings at any times you want.

So mine is set to go off once a day at 6am, because this is when the cats are at their most annoying. So in the manner of any bad parent, this is when I throw food at them. What's interesting to me is that I have four cats (yes, a story for later I know.. for now, you can just think of me as that person with the cats). Now I'm not completely off my gourd, I didn't buy four cat feeders. They're a little pricey. I only own one which means that some kind of system had to be worked out and at 6am I'm not around to enforce it.

So yes, its feline law at the communal food dish!

Well, this morning I couldn't sleep so I thought that while I was awake and contemplating my navel, I might as well observe the cats. I understand that observation generates its own impact so I tried to be unobtrusive. So at 6am, I was in the second bedroom meditating. The cats were trying to distract me, until a noise was heard. The auto-feeder was stirring! Like a shot, they were off! Some cats faster than others. When I took a peek towards the kitchen, I was a little surprised to see that it wasn't the fattest cat that was hogging the dish, but the bossiest one.

And that was how it played out, according to pecking order. On a side note, contrary to everything I had read, the sole neutered male, instead of eating last, actually went second. I always knew that cat had no idea how society worked.

August 6, 2008

hail to the king

Inevitably, three days in Vegas leaves me wanting to puke. And not because I had too many slushees. but because at some point, all the flashing, blinking, chinking, binging, flashing and blinking!!!! well.. after awhile, it makes me want to purge purge purge.

So here is what I did for the last three days in Vegas:

Day 0
10pm-ish?: Arrive in Vegas after a 5 hour flight. Check into the Westin. Decide to take it easy and rest up.
Gambing = 0

Day 1
10am-ish?: The loml and I eat breakfast at the Westin buffet. Its an ok buffett but I am derailed early on by the Krispy Kreme donut selection. I make an unwise choice of the powdered jam filled one which is messy.
11am?: We decide to walk to the Hard Rock Casino. According to the map in a Vegas magazine, it looks reasonably close. Sometime later we realize (a) It is 107 degrees in Vegas this week. (b) the map lied.
11:30ish???: We arrive at the Hard Rock. There seems to be a live filming at the pool club/bar. Girls in bikinis are everywhere. We go gambling a bit. I win $150 playing roulette. Made paranoid by success I stick to playing the slots and get a $50 coupon for the italian restaurant.
2:00pm: We eat at the Pink Taco in Hard Rock. Good food, good service.
3pm - 9pm? : We attend a WEC event. It was amazing!!!! Some great surprises to be seen that night. Brian Stann lost to Cantwell, Condit suffered some amazing judo throws at the hand of Hiromitsu Miura. Cub Swanson was sitting 4 rows behind me! I got to see referees Herb Dean and Steve Mazagati (I actually tailed him around the casino for a minute before the event). Dana White, Uriah Faber, and Miguel Torres (looking bored) were in the house. And the most amazing moment for me: seeing Forrest Griffin. OMG. I think I lost my mind for at least 10 minutes at this point, lost in some fantasy world were I would get to lay hands on him (Forrest - If you ever read this, I also think you have a great personality). fewww... yeah.
I have no idea what time it is: After maneuvering through drunk barefoot bikini girls in the casino, we eat at the italian place. Food is ok, but puts me in a coma. We retire for the night.

Gambling = +$150

Day 2
9am-ish (*I forgot my watch at home): For purposes that need not be explained at this juncture, we relocated to the Planet Hollywood. PH seemed nice enough, and since we couldn't check in just yet, we rambled around the casino. After getting our club cards, we cashed in on a promotion for slot play (video blackjack for me) and I got an extra $15. Then the loml and I settled down for some blackjack. The table was friendly and things were ok until I hit a losing streak. I abandoned the table with $5 in losses (i am such a high roller). I wandered over to a roulette table and made a quick $60. PH is kind of neat because they do a lot of free competition. Over the course of that day, I managed not to win at 3 raffles and barely missed winning at a double-exposure black jack tournament.
6pm ish - 9pm: Excitement abounds. I got a ticket to go see Phantom of the Opera at the Venetian. And it was AWESOME! I've never seen a production before and I have to admit, things make a lot more sense now. Did you know they actually show the Phantom's face??? I always thought it was like a horror movie where you try not to reveal the monster until the absolute end.. but no.. you get a good 15 minutes of singing Phantom deformity. So I have to say, the theatre at the Venetian is excellent. I recommend.
Evening: I have no idea what happened next but I went to sleep.

Gambling = +$225

Day 3
ok - i am gonna let the time table go, cause I kind of lost track and this is where we build up to the puking feeling. This was a fun day. I had a great breakfast and headed on out to the casino. After some consideration I sat down at a blackjack table. Things were ok, until i picked up my cards. at which point i got a small lecture from the dealer about the rules. Turns out I had sat down at a single deck black jack table, and things worked differently. but good enough for me, I made $80! yay me!

the rest of the day is kinda wacky. I completely bombed out at the double exposure black jack tournament, two raffle drawings, and three slot tournaments. damn!

so that was it for me in Vegas!

Gambling = approx +$300 given the cost of drink tips (not accounting for the +/- $5 at video blackjack.

August 9, 2008

you know its true

I suspect that I am committing at least two mistakes today:

#1) humanizing my cats

which allows me to perform #2) living vicariously through them.

Sick, isn't it? Today I went to the Natural Pet Food store to get some pre-made raw cat food. They sell Aunt Jeni's Home Made, which is a local women owned business, and my cats will eat it without puking (Score All Around!) While I was browsing the frozen food section, I decided to pick up some chicken necks for the kids cats. Chicken necks are good because they help clean kitty's teeth and won't cause choking or internal damage (unlike pieces of cooked bone which can splinter). I actually tried to get these from the butcher at Whole Foods but they didn't have any, but Aunt Jeni is happy to sell these as well.

So after setting down the chicken selection (I just read the web-site and they use Bell & Evans chicken which is free-range, vegetable fed.. blah blah blah organic... can you believe this??), I pulled out a couple of small pieces of chicken neck. Now, I have four cats.. two who can actually hunt, and two who can barely jump. Someone was going to eat these things.

So after the ground chicken was gone, I put down the necks. My big vicious hunting cat immediately went for one and began licking it to death ?! oh boy.. no teeth would get cleaned at this rate. The other chicken neck went to the prettiest fluffiest girl in the house.. and I did hear a couple of crunching noises, but that also went to the licking. In the end, the neutered male won again. Despite missing a tooth, he crunched his way right through both chicken necks (though not before attempting to run away with one), which hopefully will save his remaining teeth.

and no one has puked yet.. Success!!

August 12, 2008

olympics, dude

you know.. our athletes are amazing.

but our commentators SUCK! You HEAR ME! YOU SUCK!

It does seem like there are some experienced former athletes filling in these spots, but what the hell are they contributing?!? I can do the math myself you know. It would be nice if the commentators would actually point out more technical details instead of repeating these bullshit stories about how so-and-so was an alternate or how fantastically people performed last olympics, or how slowly the gymnastics scoring is going (for the tenth time).

TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW INSTEAD OF THIS PABULUM!

spare me your "bad feelings" about how things are gonna go. If you can't say anything valuable, just shut up.

the little things

when I'm sitting at my desk at work, I like to think of all the other things I could be doing. after 5 months of unemployment, I don't fantasize about sleeping on the beach anymore. I think about being useful.

being useful usually means you have a role, which I don't seem to have at the moment = use-less. which probably means that all this time i've spent meditating on the nature of attatchment has been less effective than i've hoped. otherwise I wouldn't be so angry when I get out of work every day.

ironically, I'm making more money than I ever have in my life. so I've effectively succeeded in some capitalist dream. so I guess I better purchase a better attitude.

olympics, yeah

if you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter:

http://www.nbcolympics.com/swimming/photos/galleryid=156776.html

August 15, 2008

TGI.. Whatever

I'm just glad the week is over.

Here are my highlights or lowlights... I guess it depends on if your glass is half full or empty. though, as my friend Howard has remarked, "I have no glass." (and if you're reading this, Howard, I am with you.)

so in no particular order:

1) I took a new job and today I went to visit my new office peeps. Now the day I had interviewed with them, I had been getting dressed and nervously forgot my wedding/engagement rings at home (I forgot to put them back on after applying facial moisturizer). Now, I didn't think it was a big deal, but the first time I talked to two of these guys (individually), they both made a comment of "Oh, you are married! You didn't have a wedding ring on last time did you?"

Finally! Proof that a man won't notice when you lose 5 inches of hair off your head, but when you go off the market, Hey! This is an event! hah - they are good people, I swear.

2) These days, I cruise in the HOV lanes which run during restricted times. There are plenty of people willing to break the law on this one; I see them getting pulled over every day. But today I was in HOV right as the clock changed from all access to HOV only, and it was like the red sea parting. Within a minute or two, all these cars just started changing lanes over. like some strange urban lobster migration.

3) I dislike posting stories like this because you probably don't need to see this but, here it is: A Hong Kong immigrant detained by U.S. Immigration dies of cancer, while in custody (and yes, they did deny him medical attention). Civil Liberties are important, people. and don't think that being a citizen will save you.

4) I finally joined Facebook. Oh the humanity. I just wanted to read other people's entries but was caught up in their profile, friend-iness, game playing crap-fest. I simultaneously loathe and love the interface. My feelings are very complex on this one. I'll probably have another post later .

and that's it. Happy Sangria!

August 16, 2008

a new low

well friends and mildly interested by-standers. its a new low for me today. but before I tell you, I just want to comment on a couple of things. For every idiotic woman who publicly denigrates her own kind (and yes, I mean you Brooke Hogan), there is another woman demonstrating a class act (and yes, I mean you Tamara Urushadze). The story isn't quite as amazing as the first minute of the video, which I recommend.

ok - so back to my new low. One of my cats stinks. specifically, the ass part. and even worse, the stink is starting to spread onto the couch and elsewhere.

There will now be mandatory ass wipings. That is all.

August 18, 2008

the post

Today I was going through my mail pile, dividing it into the 'trash', 'shred', and 'take action' sub piles. And in my pile, there was an envelope with a "guilt penny" in it, very clearly labeled.

"We've enclosed a nickel that can help find a cure!"

ooo-kay.. you've sent me a magical nickel (penny, whatever).. what's up?

ah - it turns out the American Diabetes Association wants money. And while the nickel is never really explained, I'm pretty sure they want me to feel bad about taking it. So bad, that I will send them $20 or more in exchange.

ha! I am going to take this magical diabetic nickel and drop it right in my piggy bank!

but then I see that the ADA is playing hardball. They've also enclosed a sheet of address labels.. I'm a sucker for these things and I start to waver. but then I recall something someone said to me the last time I donated money for diabetes.

"Only fat people get diabetes. You shouldn't give money to save fat people!"

hehehehe.. well now. Most diabetics that I know are fat. Though I did have one diabetic roommate who was only stout, not actually fat. well, either way, this does remind me that I've already donated a hefty sum for the diabetics this year (get it? hefty..?)

those address labels are mine!

never eat shredded wheat

Just a few news items today.

Firstly, I noticed that the FDA says that PBA is ok. Wow, all that fuss and I finally managed to get my hands on a PBA-free water bottle, just in time for it not to matter. At least I didn't throw out all my pretty pink Nalgene bottles.

Secondly, I have got to recommend this chocolate chip cookie recipe that was posted in the New York Times. I just tried it out, and I almost died (in a good way) after eating two cookies. Also read the related article if you want to know more about what makes cookies 'perfect'. note* you have to register to view the recipe, but if want to try my account, go ahead:
user: yousuck
password: yousuck

Thirdly, I love you. I love you all, very much.

August 19, 2008

a klingon wedding

today I was sitting around thinking about part-time jobs I could do.

The first thing I checked out was Google. They always want quality checkers for their ads, on a temp basis. I've actually applied for this position before, but they never got back to me then, so I figured it wasn't worth another try. Also, I'm only fluent in English and that can't be helpful.

The next thing I thought of was being a contributor to a magazine. Those of you who may have been in high-school English with me are probably choking right now. I know, I know.. yet somehow, when I read the shitty one-page articles written by Joel Stein in TIME or the amazingly stupid postings from CNN.com's Living section, I think.. there is hope for me.

That is, until I actually researched this. Turns out to be a fairly harsh career choice and not one that's quick to get into. oh well, this is something I learned in college. Sometimes, its not ability or intelligence that allows you to achieve your goals. Its your ability to stick with the path you've chosen. and I've already stuck my way into 2 degrees.. enough of that crap. I want the easy route.

So finally I thought, "Hey, I'll become a marriage celebrant!"

There should be a market for cheap, non-denominational, unorthodox officiants, right? I know I used one for my wedding. I'll even do weddings in funny outfits if that's what it takes. After I do the first couple for free, I can charge a little money and I'm golden.

ha. ha. ha. Well, I googled around a bit and for some reason, my county wants me to be a member of a church. Why would I do that? They want to know about my clergy, how big it is, what the by-laws are... The Man is awfully picky (and by that I mean the Man who takes FICA money from my paycheck, not the Man in the Charlton Heston movies that show on Easter Sunday).

Now seriously, I've gotten married, and I've been to many many weddings. And believe you me, the last person you want conducting your wedding is someone who has a church and a clergy. What you need is someone who can project (voice), act confident, and FOLLOW YOUR FRICKIN INSTRUCTIONS when it comes to the wedding ceremony.

that's it. oh.. and they should dress nice too.

August 22, 2008

who won the 'lympics?

i've consumed so much olympics, I could puke (though I blame the commentating). watching our team 4x100 was a little heartbreaking. who knew that you needed finesse in track, anyway? if you missed it, I can summarize it for you: we dropped the baton. a lot.

so after a few days and days of this (horse dancing is a sport?!), I started to wonder... Who is winning the olympics?

1. Michael Phelps, that's who. as soon as he stops training so damn much, his life'll be phat! but we hope he cuts back on that 12000 daily caloric intake.

2. Misty May & her volleyball partner. They beat EVERYONE! in like, the world.. twice! now they're off to have babies, per their nbc interview. Good luck ladies.

3. kinesiotape. due to its starring role on several athletes, I predict a mini-boom on this stuff.

Now on to the not-quite winners:

1. China - they've falsified the documentation on their gymnasts. They have gone from deporting foreign peaceful protestors to detaining them (at this time there are at least 6 americans missing and 1 british woman - I know there are more). They even told their own citizens that protest was allowed in designated areas after obtaining a permit. however, of the last 76 permits filed, 74 were 'voluntarily' withdrawn and the last two ladies who filed had charges filed against them which terminated their protest requests (and they weren't even protesting about tibet). I don't really need to go into that Tibet thing.

His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, has said that the world needs to embrace China, so that they will become open to change. and its easy to be critical of china, but they aren't the only ones around here detaining people under suspicious circumstances, controlling the media, or whose citizens resist turning a critical eye to their own government. (no canada, i'm not talking about you.)

well, if I could hug china or buy them a coke, I would. cause if I lived there, there is a chance that this blog entry would have landed me in jail, had my family threatened by the local police, and my home vandalized by citizens. So come on America, let's win the olympics.

August 24, 2008

like a reed in the water

Its a pretty slow news day on the homestead. I was browsing through the news and found this article "Lethal Star Trek blade seized in knives amnesty".

The first thing I thought when saw this was "Isn't that a klingon batliff?"

which lead to my second thought "Why doesn't this newspaper article correctly identify the weapon?"

followed up by a small sinking realization that I will never be able to escape my nerd-past.

oh damn, happy sunday everyone.

August 26, 2008

the pursuit of happy

so the loml recently mentioned to me an article he had read in a magazine. The gist of it was that unless some significant effort was undertaken, a person would not be happy with the fruit of their labors.

He had also referred to me a previous article (which I touched upon in an earlier entry) that people these days have too much convenience in their lives to be able to tolerate actual relationships with real live humans.

and then I've been reading 'The Art of Happiness', written by an american psychologist who interviewed the Dalai Lama several times on the topic of the human condition. The short of that book is that people will be miserable as long as they fail to realize that all beings suffer alike.

so what is the culmination of all this pontificating?

that we can't be happy until unless we suffer the suffering of humanity (and know it)?

yarghh... (well, i have heard that our peace corps workers abroad are very happy)

the last time i was happy was when i was camping. and believe you me, eating a vegan beer-brat that has been 'cooked' over an open flame will do that to you.

August 28, 2008

B+

Today I decided to work on positive thinking. To that end, I will track my successes for the day (SotD), while letting my failures and negative incidents roll off me (just say 'no thank you').

SotD #1: I ate a good breakfast of granola and Fage yogurt.


ok - so that's kind of it for now. I haven't really been out of bed that long.. and thanks to my sneaky new Czechoslovakian timestamping, maybe you won't figure out when I wrote this entry... (maybe.. live in hope right?)

and while I am at it, i would like to take a moment to address the phrase "No, thank you". I think we could all use this a little more. Its clear, direct, and polite. It works for when the cashier is forced to offer you a credit card application and it works with telemarketers, provided you hang up immediately after utterance.

My personal favourite application is when guys are trying to hit on me at a bar or something.. and really all I want to do is hang out with the people I'm already with. For example, this happened to me a few years ago:

"Hey ladies, are you guys from around here? "
Me: No, thank you.
" Excuse me?"
Me: No, thank you.
"You are really missing out here!"
(but at least he left with a minimum of fuss).

The one time I haven't tried this yet is during personal confrontations. They way I hear it, is that when people try to start shit with you, you can refuse to get into it. After all, they are the ones bringing it and you should treat it like a present that you don't want to accept.

"No, thank you" - I'll let you know if this works out.

August 29, 2008

living oprah

I was surfing through my XM stations one day when I noticed that Oprah had her own channel (Oprah & Friends). This is when it really hit me that Oprah is some kind of demi-goddess and is well on her way to conquering America and the world.

I recently read about a blogger/artist who decided to live based on what Oprah tells people to do. She blogs her daily efforts and made some good points about how Oprah simultaneously tells people that we need to be more conscious about how our lifestyles impact the environment, as well as encouraging people to BUY STUFF! her blog kind of wound down a bit (which is a shame) so I can't really recommend. but you can find it here.

so just a few minutes ago (while meditating) I wondered if this woman ever got really angry. This sounds like exactly the kind of situation that people get into when they decide that they have found 'the way'. As in, if I just follow 'the way', I will be a happier person. If I just do everything that Oprah tells me to do, I will be a better person. If I just act a certain way, I will be loved. if I buy this car, I will be popular.

or maybe, none of those things will happen, and you'll just be very angry.

August 30, 2008

Lady Windemere's Fan

Last night I watched "A Good Woman". It's a screen adaptation of an Oscar Wilde play. And I have two things to say about it:

1) This was a pretty good movie.

2) For the love of all that is good, HELEN HUNT Please STOP acting in movies!

Helen, we loved you in 'Mad About You'; I even thought that "Twister" was a fine movie. But you are not a great actress. This was something that started to show in "As Good As it Gets" (where your performance was well supported by other great actors) and it really really shows in "A Good Woman".

You had some great lines in this movie and you just threw them away. Just like Kevin Costner in "Robin Hood" (or even "Waterworld" - but there were no good lines in that movie). So please, please stop. The fact that I compared you to Kevin Costner should be the big tip off.

Good luck with your career as a producer; I am sure your years of experience will serve you well.

About August 2008

This page contains all entries posted to daisyblahg in August 2008. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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