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kiss my a** you posers

today is a ranty day, caused by the most innocent of sources.. HGTV. Yes, that's right. The home and garden network is what's pissing me off (yes, my world is so small right now). Evidently, its become vogue these days to buy a home that's "vintage". As in, "oh, I'm really looking for a vintage style condo."

You're what? Let's stop for a moment and pretend that we are educated. hrmmm, shall we consult a dictionary?
vintage (adj):
1. of or pertaining to wines or winemaking
2. old-fashioned or obsolete
3. representing the high quality of a past time

alright. so we all love wine right? That means number 1 is automatically cool. No problems there. Where we start running into problems is with definitions number 2 & 3, and I suspect its really number 3 that's making my blood boil.

For the past decade, we've been loving our vintage fashion. Let's go to the consignment store, cause I just loooove vintage clothes. And this was cool because it was about recycling and appreciating the unique trends and craftsmanship of yesteryear, until it became too cool. Then people started making "vintage" and now instead of old and cool, vintage now means "old-looking ugly shit that we're gonna charge you a huge markup on cause you're a sucker". (like the 'back to 80's' fashion trend that we just went through, you know?.. anyone.. bueller... bueller...)

but back to home buying. If you are looking for a 'vintage home', you are an idiot who can't adequately express yourself. and last I checked, being on the verge of indebting yourself for hundreds of thousands of dollars, is one of the last situations you want to be doing this in. You like old homes? great. How old are we talking, what style? colonials, victorians, the frank lloyd wrights of the early 1900's?? THERE ARE WORDS FOR WHAT YOU WANT YOU MORONS!

but don't talk to me about vintage, unless we're about to drink some wine.


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