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August 2, 2010

i went to the witchdoctor...

***warning: this entry covers subject matter which is completely distasteful, on a personal level about the aftereffects of my child birthing experience. Do not read this entry if you suspect you may have problems meeting my eyes later... That is all***

ok, so I had a third degree tear when I had my baby. That means that I had a tear through the tissue of my vaj all the way through the muscle of my sphincter. FUN, EH? Even worse is a 4th degree tear, which I won't bother to define, but believe me.. its worse. So believe it or not, this tear has actually been the biggest problem for me, post pregnancy. The doctor, actually his resident, put in two sets of stitches. One set for the muscles on my 'insides' and one set to close up the 'outsides' and provide a nice normal cosmetic effect.

Well, somewhere in the process of post-partum life, I managed to rip through, out, something, the outer stitches. and then when the rest of everything healed up, I wound up with this little flap of tissue where there should not have been one. Basically, it was a little flap of my insides, which had somehow made it to the outside. Its not any specific piece of my insides, just some tissue. But it was a friggin' inconvenient piece of tissue as it made things mighty uncomfortable.. like wearing clothes. that was really getting to suck with all the minor pain and all that.

So when I went to my next check-in with the nurse/mid-wife, I pointed it out. And she called in another nurse/mid-wife who had more experience, to come look at it. And then she said "I'm going to pinch it. You let me know if it hurts." at which point she did, and I said "I can feel that." Which lead to a small discussion between the two wherein they decided that since there was sensation in the tissue flap, that their initial plan of cauterizing the thing with silver nitrate and burning it off, was a bad idea.

I was like WTF? Silver nitrate? Burning IT OFF?? EH???? but hey, no problems, right? Because they decided not to do that. Instead, my nurse/mid-wife referred me back to the doctor who initially had the stitches put in. So I got an appointment and in a couple of days, I was in his office.. and he was checking out my stuffs.

One thing I really like is when the doctor is training someone and they narrate out what they're doing. Because you, the patient, sometimes hears more about what is going on than you normally would. And my doctor was doing that. So I'm listening to him trying to educate his nurse:

"You see, that is what she (he's referring to me) is talking about. That right there is preventing her from intimacy. So what we're going to do is cauterize it... No, we won't have to cut it off. Nature will take care of that after we cauterize it, but we can cut it off now if she wants."

At which point I have to say something, "Are you going to remove the flap?" And he indicates so. And then I say "Isn't that going to hurt?" And then he says:

"You went through a 40 hour labor. After that, you going to let a little thing like this stop you?"

ughh.. ok.. I guess this is his way of saying its not so bad. HA-HA-HA.

It fucking hurt! It hurt when he cauterized it with silver nitrate and it fucking hurt when he cut off the flesh!! Now, to be clear, it did not hurt as much as labor. And since I've done several things painful things without the aid of a local anesthetic, I can be quite specific here. It hurt about as much as getting a tattoo, specifically if you get one that goes over a bone and they hit that part where they go over and over the same spot and its starting to feel like the needle is abrading through the skin.. That's how much it hurt. Less than getting a cavity drilled without a pain-killer, more than a lot of other things.

Anywho. I was quite bitter when I left the office. I have good medical insurance you know. I could definitely have afforded some local anesthetic, you know!! but whatever, I went home, bitched to the loml, decided not to show him, and then settled into a hot bath and soaked a bit.

but I have to tell you, after about 4 - 6 hours, I felt a whole lot better. My bits felt the best they had ever felt ever since this whole 'baby birthing' thing went down. So I was quickly reconciled to today's events and was trying to make sense of them to my sister.

I told her what happened and then said, "It makes me wonder if I'm paying for something. You know? Like I've done something really really awful, and now I'm paying for it. Maybe this is like how Buddha spent all those lives dying as different animals in different ways, so that he could understand suffering. Maybe that's what I'm doing now. Suffering so I can understand others.. except doing it all in one life."

and my sister looked at me and said, "No. That's not it. You've got buddhism wrong."

and I was like "oh. oh well."

Follow-up: Please note that a third degree tear is not common. So don't worry, this probably won't happen to you.

August 3, 2010

little fluffy clouds

so i do feel slightly obligated to do a nicer, more gentle blog entry given how awful the subject matter was of my last one... so here it is, presenting the cutest problem in my life currently:

It took me a long time to get educated on decent style and sartorial trends. but after some serious investment in watching fashion tv and reading several books, I did finally figure out what was up. So its been kind of surprise to find myself having problems again, but this time with the baby clothes.

At first, I thought baby fashion was pretty damn easy. I mean, most baby clothes are onesies. How hard is it to screw up a onesie? Practically impossible. And besides, babies are cute. Their clothes are cute! And its true, as long as you stick to onesies, its practically impossible to screw up (though I have seen some really stupid looking onesies).

Unfortunately, I lost out when it came to putting pants on the baby. I got a huge amount of baby clothes as gifts (thanks all!) and one of the things I got was some 2 piece outfits. But by the time I got around to them, some of the pants were too small. So now, I only have three pairs of pants, which I insist on putting on the baby because her legs get cold. But the pants that fit are lime green with purple ladybugs, pink with small pink flowers, and brown..with large pink flowers. oy.. its not like I have a huge amount of white onesie tops that go with this.. because in my infinite wisdom, I didn't stock them.. because they were boring.

So now, you see the dilemma. I've got to match crazy pants with crazy tops and I find myself going "well.. pink matches with pink? Right?" and winding up with a baby that looks like she fell into the "Candyland" game and came out covered in stuff.

No one makes black baby clothes, it seems. What up with that?

August 7, 2010

Why can't I buy anything at the @#$% Apple Store?

A few days ago, I decided to buy an iPhone 4. No real big decision to be made as I loved my iPhone 3G, but I'm having horrendous performance issues (probably caused by the latest updates). Anyway, the lomls (I've decided that its easier to refer to both the loml and the baby as the lomls) and I went to the local apple store, after calling to make sure they had the phone in stock.

Now, if any of you have been to an Apple store in the last year, then you may recall the 'fun' shopping experience that apple has designed. I am referring to how they removed the cash registers and outfitted their employees with handheld credit card machines. I'm not sure what happened to the color coded t-shirts though. Honestly, their sales model really confuses me. Can any employee sell me something, or are they segregated into different functions? Either way, i was there to buy something and since they don't just put the phones out I would have to talk to one of the 'geniuses' to get my hands on it.

Really, I can't stand at least half the employees I've had interactions with. Many of them seem to believe that working at the Apple store makes them some kind of superior geek, and that attitude tends to leak out in conversation with the customer. I can almost understand. I'll bet a lot of the customers are clueless and drawn to Apple products because they're easy to learn.

But the rest of us are tech savy, knowledgeable, and can't stand your idiotic attitude, so what gives you MORONS!!! ok - sorry about that. But there is no excuse for inflicting your bullshit on others when they don't have a choice of avoiding you.

I suppose this is what I get for complaining though. Because when I went to the store this time, the employees appeared to be avoiding me. The store was pretty busy. And every employee there was busy talking to customers. or potential customers, actually. Because not everyone was buying stuff. Instead, there was a lot of happy chatting about products and asking questions, and apple education going on. Gee, isn't it nice to be able to go into a store and not feel pressured to buy something???

WTF people. I want to actually give you money. Where is the helpful employee for that? It took me about 10 minutes to find someone free enough to talk to me. And when I asked about buying something, this wonderful apple hipster said to me "We're really busy right now. Someone will be able to help you in about 7 minutes." At which point she turned around and walked off.

hrmm, maybe there is some magic labeling system where the employees would magically know to help me in 7 minutes? Whatever, I found another employee who was actually willing to sell me something, only to find out that they were out of the 16GB version, and only had the 32 GB in stock.

So we left the store, went home, and bought the damn thing online. Which I should have done in the first place, and will in the future, because I don't appreciate wasting time driving back and forth from the store so that I can be condescended to by an apple 'genius'.

Congrats Apple. You've managed to reprogram my transaction model for you guys, and retain my business. well played.

August 15, 2010

i heart the internet

Today i was browsing the internet in search of local specialty lingerie stores (no, not a tupperware store but an honest lingerie store where i can spend too much money on a european style bra.. but anyway)

so i was checking out the store webpages when i came across the e-cigarette. now, i'm not sure why a lingerie store would sell this kind of thing but I'm guessing this is not the store i am looking for.. maybe. but the e-cigarette is kind of interesting. Its basically a water vaporizer that you can insert a nicotine cartridge into, and it looks just like an old school cigarette. According to their marketing, this product allows the "modern smoker" the following benefits:
- no harsh smoke!
- no second hand irritants! ( i can't figure if they're talking about chemical addititives or other people)
- its legal to use in 'no smoking' areas!
- its cheaper in the long run!

well gee. I just don't see what's stopping me. Just think, we could all go back to the 'good old days' when smoking was cool. and its sorta sci-fi future-istic at the same time. plus, as if that isn't inducement enough, you can also use flavoured e-liquid! It come in varieties like menthol, tobacco, vanilla, strawberry, apple... is this getting weird or is that just me? I can't figure if its more disgusting to be inhaling tobacco flavoured nicotine enhanced water vapor or to be starting a starbucks approach to ingesting an addictive substance.

the future is weird.

August 29, 2010

wax on, wax ...

just the other day, as i was feeding the baby, i was thinking about origami. i like to make the little paper cranes and when i'm feeling a little off at work, that's what i'll do. so if you look at my desk (through all my jobs where i've had one), you'll find paper cranes. some are made out of the pretty origami papers, but more of them are made from pretty work presentations. i'm particularly fond of using training certs, myself.

one thing that i've learned from this, is how to calm the f*** down at work. because you cannot fold paper smoothly when you are angry.. trust me on this one. only ugly cranes come out of these situations.

which is sorta like handling a baby! (suddenly thinks I). And just when was pondering the amazingness of my zen revelation, my happy baby started to throw up on me. So I picked her up, at which point, it became projectile vomit.. still on me. and as time slowed down so that I could fully appreciate the moment, I had a new revelation. Mainly concerning how much I had just fed the baby. and that maybe giving little babies the option of having as much morning boobing as they want was a bad idea.

About August 2010

This page contains all entries posted to daisyblahg in August 2010. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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