September 19, 2005
Yay! the first entree of my Poo blog is here. So here is an introduction. I was reading "cleaning your clutter with feng shui" by karen kingston a few months ago and she had a chapter about cleaning internal body clutter. The general idea is that after years of eating food that is high in perservatives and artificial ingredients, that your bowels get all clogged up with 'phlegm' that interferes with nutrient ingestion and general health. The solution: Dr Christopher's lower bowel formula consisting of herbs that'll clean you out good!
So after considering it for a month or so, reading various graphic testamonials, and encouragement from my s.o. ("I wanna poop worms!), I decided to give it a try. But I would like to say "thanks" to all my friends who offered to stick a hose up my ass for free.
Posted by julia at 3:06 PM
So I ordered the pills and they arrived on a Friday. At the last moment, the light of my life decides to chicken out on taking the pills with me. He opts to 'wait and see'. So its me, alone, taking some herbal concoction that the FDA doesn't approve of. I decide to wait until Saturday to start, just in case I have some bad reactions and wind up crapping in my pants.
Posted by julia at 3:18 PM
Days 1 - 2 - 3
Day 1 - The first day! I take some pills when I wake up (2 pills, 3 times a day). Within 10 minutes, I have to go. Everying goes fine, poop looks pretty normal, a little colorful on the brown range of the spectrum. I'm disappointed. I was hoping for worms or pieces of rubber or a spare tire.. oh well.. Its the only time I poop all day so not much to report.
Day 2 - Again, I have to poop in the morning. Everything is still looking pretty normal but it seems I only get to poop once a day. very weird.
Day 3 - Finally, caught up with the present. I remembered that I kept joking about the kind of content worthy of blogs. Yay - blogging. Today is a banner day. I've gotten to poop 3 times... though I suspect this may have to do with the amount of drinking I did yesterday.
Finally something interesting on the poop-dar. There appears to be some kind of weird cottony-filmy looking attachment to my deposit. Only about 1 1/2 inches long. Is this the mysterious bowel-phlegm???
Posted by julia at 3:21 PM
September 20, 2005
its back to one crap per day. but I must admit, i've never spent this much time looking into a toilet before. Today's contestant was colorful and mighty. and i just don't think i can go on to describe much more than that.
time for a poo haiku:
tiny bowels why
refuse to share your secrets
gimme a worm, please!
I think I may be eating less because I don't feel as hungry as I usually do. This was one of the reported side-effects, but it could also be do to all the attention I'm focusing on it.
ooh looks like i blogged too soon!
and this time, I got more of that stuff that I will call bowel phlegm (BP). This is mildly exciting. My poo is even floating, like happy poo is supposed too! According to the literature I've read, food should pass through your system at a pretty fast clip (within 30 hours of consumption, i think). Anything longer than that means its just decomposing in your system and by the time it gets out its dark and compacted, so it sinks. But happy poo is light colored and floats!
yay!! i have achieved floating poo!
Posted by julia at 3:08 PM
September 26, 2005
Day 5 -> 10
ok.. worm pooping pills give you gas. I have discussed the issue with my fellow test guinea pig, and we have concurred. Upset tummies are the order of the day (though, I did try blaming all the coors lite for a while). On the up side, I have been eating less.
Also, I think I have to give up on the worms. Every once in a while, I've seen something in the bowl that I can't identify. However, I think this is more of a warning to watch what you eat.
So only four more days left in this bowel experiment. Here are my conclusions thus far:
1 - my pooch has been smaller due to increased processing.
2 - I feel a little more energetic. Probably due to taking more of an interest in myself, but I'd like to blame the pills
3 - I don't believe in bowel phlegm or worms. ohh the sad disillusionment!
Posted by julia at 10:25 AM
September 28, 2005
transition days 1 & 2
ok, i stopped taking the pills. Its taken about a day and a half for all the really noticeable effects to disappear (gas, floating poo, etc..) Cleansing theory actually recommends a month for your first time and then one week every year after, but I don't think I have the constitution to do a month. Besides, now I can prepare for the next stage of my plan: No poop at all!
Which brings me to the main reason I did this. I am going to try a three day fast where all I will consume will be organic fruit juices and maybe some olive oil. The purpose of the bowel cleansing is to make sure that once I start fasting, there isn't any really really bad stuff built up in my system which will then get processed since there isn't going to be anything else to deal with (and may possibly cause some pain).
So come Monday, it will be a vacation for my innards!
Posted by julia at 1:29 PM
October 1, 2005
prepping for the 3 day cleanse
ok. Today I am going shopping for the "food" I will be eating on the three day fast. I've decided to start on Tuesday since I'm planning on drinking on Monday night... (I don't think sour apple martini is on the cleansing diet). Planned food items for three day diet are:
(3) 16 oz of prune juice (breakfast)
(3) 1 Gallon of apple juice (for the rest of the day)
(3) 1 apple if I get really really hungry for dinner
and all the water I want!!! I can also have some olive oil to lube up the system.. damn this stuff is getting weird..
but, it should be remembered that when I am done, I will have theoretically eliminated some amount of toxic waste from my system.. Geez, why doesn't the FDA do something really useful and evaluate this stuff?
ok, one visit to Whole Foods and $30 later, I have all the organic juice I can lay my hands on. A Gallon is a lot bigger than I originally thought. how am I going to cart a gallon of juice around to work and class??? small thoughts of stapping on my camel-pak are starting to cross my mind. I'm very enthusiastic to start, but am going to be patient until tuesday. At least if I start going delusional from hunger, I'll be at work.
Posted by julia at 3:56 PM
October 4, 2005
Juice-fast : Day 1
I'm scared to drink the prune juice. It looks like coffee... in my coffee mug.. a heaping 16 oz of dirty lookin' water.
Oh well, I didn't cart in all this juice to work for nothing...
wow. that wasn't bad at all. alright then. allegedly, the prune juice will cause all the toxic materials in my body to be flushed out through my bowels. wheeeee - e - e - e...
ok, I drank all the prune juice and I'm on to the gallon of apple juice... 128 ounces to go.
My stomach knows something is up.. its been grumbling for an hour now...
--------- GRAPHIC CONTENT ------------------
ok. the weirdest thing just happened. I'd been getting these odd gas/hunger pangs for the last hour. My tummy had been making noises, and I'd gotten through about 40 oz of juice (about 5 cans of soda). I decided to go to the bathroom to pee, cause I'd had a LOT of juice. Once I sat down, it was like a fountain of dirty water starts shooting out of my ass (*god I hope you don't know me, cause I don't think I can talk about this face to face*). It starts out pretty heavy and filthy as the remains of what appears to be all the food in my system, makes a run for the exit. And then after a bit, it starts clearing up, like my little bowels are getting a nice rinsing from a car wash or something. And I feel great! Happy clean-ish little bowels! I must be going nuts...
Posted by julia at 9:13 AM
October 5, 2005
Juice-fast : Day 2
now I know why no one ever talks about this kind of thing. There is not a speck of food left in my system at all. My ass spent yesterday in the toilet acting like a puking sorority chick. On the upside, it was painless and only mildly inconvenient (but pretty noisy - i try not to use the bathroom if people can see me getting into a stall).
So here is day 2. I feel fine and I'm not hungry at all. I checked the nutritional info on my juice and I figure I'm getting about 1500 calories (all carbs). And now that I've stopped eating, I have a lot of free time which I've invested into catching up on the Tivo. ooh, and here is a shout out to my friend Nutter Butter who was kind enough to let me know how much he's enjoying the blog. And yes, you are sick... sick sick sick.
Posted by julia at 11:47 AM
October 6, 2005
Juice-fast : Day 3
Wow. Zen has finally hit. I feel fine. I cut back on the juice though. A gallon is a ridiculous amount of apple juice to consume in a day. Here is what I have learned from three days of eating NOTHING:
1 - appreciate the way your food tastes. I gained an extra two hours every day when I wasn't eating. So if I am going to take the time to eat something, it better be good.
2 - When you aren't feeling fat and happy from lunch, you pay more attention to things. Like the fact that you should make decisions that make you happy. Don't take crap from people. (you know, the usual deep thoughts you read on blogs)
3 - hmmm... errrr
wow. i thought I learned more than that. oh well.
fasting was kind of fun. I don't know if I would do it again though..
omg, i lie like a dog on a rug.
I just got locked in a room with people eating lunch from Baja fresh... ooohh leetle tacos and burritos!!!
Posted by julia at 12:29 PM
October 9, 2005
Well, this is the last entry of my poo blog (I am so sad to see it go *snif*). Someone who noticed I was juice-cleansing (see, I'm not the only one!) asked me what I was changing about my life. Evidently, for some people, this internal cleansing is a good time to make positive changes in their lives. Unfortunatly, my answer was "uhmm, don't you ever get bored sometimes"? But I am still glad I did it. I pay more attention to what I eat now and my complextion actually cleared up during the fast.
So, if anyone is reading this.. go do something you want to do.
Posted by julia at 8:38 PM